I'm Sorry
by PuppetGirl131
Summary: He didn't know how it happened, it just did, he didn't notice until his vision was blurred by water, and he couldn't breathe anymore. He panicked and he tried to swim back up to the surface, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't go up. He felt as if he was being engulfed into darkness, everything was black, and he had begun to cry, but the water swept them away.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: I think I am a horrible person, my fanfics are so dramatic. Also I have these ideas, and I have tried not to publish any, but, I cannot resist, I must publish this, forgive me. Also I ship these two so much, they are just so beautiful together.**

**Comments are loved.**

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Prologue

He didn't know how it happened, it just did, he didn't notice until his vision was blurred by water, and he couldn't breathe anymore. He panicked and he tried to swim back up to the surface, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't go up. He felt as if he was being engulfed into darkness, everything was black, and he had begun to cry, but the water swept them away. The more he struggled, the more he got held back by the evil current, the wind rapidly moved the water, and he eventually managed to make it to the surface of the water, and gulped the air down, but he was soon shoved back down and thrown against a wall by the water's fast slick moves.

His vision began to go black and he reached his hand out desperately, he didn't want to die, he couldn't remember why he would want to, but he didn't want to go like this. Why was he at the bridge in the place he lived at anyway? Oh yeah, because the one he decided to spend the rest of his life with hurt him every day. But he knew that he loved him, despite how angry he got, and how many bruises he littered his body with, so it couldn't be just because of that, could it?

Ah, there are other reasons, around a certain time he had begun cutting himself, he felt numb, and he wanted to feel, so he grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer and hid in the bathroom and gave his left wrist a long thin cut. It hurt, but it was the only thing he had ever felt in several years. Then there were the people who hurt him mentally, they all don't realize what they have done, because they all brushed off the sad face he gave them, like he would get over it, but only if they knew that it stuck to him like glue. Then his own father kicked him out of the house because he chose to tell his father that he was in love with a man, his father, being a very religious man, put him on the streets, he didn't care whether he had a place to stay or not, that was when he was sixteen, that same night he moved in with his boyfriend. His boyfriend was several years older than he was, so he already had himself an apartment, but the boy felt bad, so he got a job, but when they moved into a bigger apartment his boyfriend stopped working entirely, and he had to work another job just to pay rent. He of course said nothing, he told himself he deserved to work, because his boyfriend had loved him for so long, and even took him in when he needed it, so he did not complain about the arrangement to him at all.

By the time the boy had graduated high school, his boyfriend was becoming even more expensive, and he had to get a third job, and by then he turned nineteen, he was so worn out, his body looked like a walking corpse. Before, some people at his jobs would ask him if he was alright, and he would tell them that he was fine, so they eventually stopped asking, they were so used to the way he looked all the time now, and they never saw the bruises underneath his shirt, because he always wore turtle necks to cover them up, just so his boyfriend wouldn't get in trouble. How he showed love for that man, he remembers how sweet the kissing and love making used to be, and he really wants that back, but he understands why his boyfriend gets mad at him like he does, he's never home, he can't do anything right, and he hasn't shown him how thankful he is.

Oh how his boyfriend leaves such grotesque looking bruises. They were all so gross, but when he had figured out the boy was cutting he hit him so hard, and he handcuffed him to the guest room bed, and he left the window open, and oh how the boy froze, he had ended up getting badly sick, but still, when his lover took the cuffs off of him, he apologized for everything, and went back to working. He sometimes left cuts on him; sometimes he carved words into his body, and the boy knows they are there, because he has to look at them and he reads them, when he looks at himself in the mirror. The words always made him cry, they were all where he could see them, they were 'Slut', 'Freak', 'whore', and 'Retard'.

He faintly remembers his brother though, he was still in middle school when their dad kicked him out, he hardly remembers him, and their father forbids them from seeing each other, so he hardly talks to his brother. The only time he does is when his little brother sneaks a phone call to him, just to make sure he is alright, but, when was that again? Just a few days ago he is sure.

The boy hit a rock hard, but managed to grab on to it to keep himself above the surface, he held on with dear life, he gasped for breath, his vision was going black, and he couldn't hear a thing, but he could still see that it was raining hard. He looked around, trying to figure out how to get to the surface, but saw nothing close enough, and right above, he saw the bridge, and he saw someone standing there, he could hardly see them though, as his vision began to blur more. He panted and coughed more and extended his small hand toward the figure on the bridge, wanting it to come and help him. His whole body shook from the cold, and as he dropped his hand to get a better grip, he tried to kick his feet to help, and how he hated his short small body, it was always a burden to him to be so small and weak. He was always at the mercy of everyone he came across.

He felt himself slipping from the rock, and he felt himself let out air, he wasn't sure if he was screaming though, and he screamed at the figure for help, and he extended his hand out desperately as he slid off the rock completely. He screamed, hacked on water, and panted for help until his head hit another rock and his cries were silenced as he blacked out, and drowned in the water.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Chapter 1, because you know, prologues are not enough, you need a chapter one, so here, have it. I am sorry for all of the the depressed characters.**

**All characters belong to Andrew Hussie, except Richard, because I just made him up for the story.**

**Comments are loved**

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Chapter 1

_~Earlier that day_

A young man stepped through the apartment he shared with his boyfriend, boy tiredly walked into the bedroom that they both shared, and he got his clothes for his next job ready. He took his time getting home, so now he had only ten minutes until he would be late for his next job, but recently he was getting used to not being able to eat until really late, and even the not having hardly any sleep part, it was all he could do to show his lover that he was thankful for everything he had done for him. After pulling on his dress pants and red button up shirt, he marched into the bathroom to have a quick look at his hair, he hoped it wasn't messed up, when something was wrong he tended to linger in front of the mirror even longer, and that reduced him to tears, and tears made his boss concerned, and with his boss concerned he would be sent home, and he didn't need that at the moment. When he got to the mirror he was immediately disgusted by his appearance, he had such dark rings under his eyes, and he looked worse than his little brother ever did, but lucky for him his hair was just fine, but that didn't let him move from the mirror, his eyes lingered on his appearance more, he looked sick, he could have sworn that he was as white as a sheet, but that was what he saw, even the freckles that littered his face were a pale sick color.

He put his hand on the mirror and forced himself to look and walk away, it took him a good five minutes, before he managed to, but has glad he didn't linger longer than he has been. Once he walked out of the bathroom he grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a message out to his lover.

_Dear Richard_

_ I made you food, I hope you are alright with stir fried rice; I made sure to do it before my shift was over, and I even paid for it. If anything is wrong, feel free to tell me, food or not. I love you._

_Love Kankri_

Kankri starred down at the paper for a few seconds longer than he should have. He always asked himself why he put 'I love you' in the notes he wrote to his lover, but he would soon brush that thought off and tell himself it was because he loved him, and that Richard loved him back. He sighed and put the food in the fridge, then he quickly put his phone in his pocket, along with his wallet, and he began to walk to his next job. Richard didn't allow him to use their car, because he insisted that he would need it more than Kankri did, and Kankri gave a small sigh but agreed. All of that walking had caused him to lose more weight than he really needed to, he was already underweight with his situation on hardly being able to eat, but still, he did not complain. When Kankri did eat however, it was always a small part because he never craved anything anymore, but he managed to force himself to drink water and a slice or two of bread, and his stomach would either agree with what he ate, or he would puke it back up and feel like shit the rest of the day.

Kankri had five minutes left before he was late for work, but luckily for him, his next job was just right around the corner, so luckily for him he wasn't late, even after all that time he had wasted at his home. As he entered he grabbed his apron and quickly tied it and readied himself for the rest of work, he gave a yawn and rubbed his eyes, then sighed and left to take orders, he hated that part, everyone would look closely at him when they came in, come people who actually cared would also ask him if he's okay, and they would offer to do something for him, but like usual, he told them he was fine, and that they didn't need to do a thing for him. He eventually told himself that he only had to deal with this until three thirty, and it was already twelve in the afternoon, his shift was halfway over, and just as he was becoming a little happy at his almost over shift, a bunch of college students slipped in, four girls, and three boys, they were all together, and he knew which booth was big enough for them, the worst part was he was free and he had no choice but to serve them. He sighed and grabbed menus and tiredly walked over to the group of students, who were obviously either his age or a little older.

"Right this way" He said already walking to the table, he hadn't bothered to check if that were fallowing, or if they had even heard them, but lucky for him they had heard and were fallowing. Once they all piled themselves in Kankri grabbed his notepad and pen, ready to take their drink orders, and they were quick with that and he felt that maybe this would all go by fast, but he shouldn't get his hopes up like that, so he quickly brushed that thought off. By the time he left to retrieve their drinks, they all had settled on Dr. Pepper, it made Kankri wonder when the last time he even drank pop was, a long time ago he knew that much, just not how long. Once Kankri piled the drinks on the little thing he carried under his arm, he ended up not being able to carry it hardly anymore, so his walk back to the table was slow, and once he got there he was quick to set the drinks down, and ask them if they were ready to order.

To Kankri's luck they had made up their minds fast, and he quickly wrote what they all wanted down, and as he turned to head to the kitchen one of the college students grabbed his hand and ughh, touching. Kankri hated it when people would just touch him like that, in the past he would show how mad he was and yell, but now he just grunted and yanked his hand away and turned around to look at whoever it was that had grabbed his wrist, out of anything he could have grabbed, he grabbed his bandaged up wrist. He looked at the man, his slicked back black hair, dark blue eyes, and his stupid leather jacket. The dude was obviously some big asshole who craved attention, and whined all the time, and he was obviously clingy.

"Can I help you Sir?" Kankri said and he got a little nervous, he had snapped at the man in a rather rude way, he hoped that he wouldn't get fired; he had done that a lot lately.

"You okay chief? You don't look so good" The guy asked Kankri, and oh god, this question again, wonderful, he better not get another tip because the person felt that bad for him.

Kankri rubbed at his bandaged wrist, only having a matching bandaged wrist with the other wrist and he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose "Sir I am perfectly fine, there is nothing to worry about, I do not wish to be worried about, nor do I want your money, please do not show me pity when I am not in the need of it Sir"

The man gave him a worried look, oh great. "You sure? I mean you look like you haven't slept in days" The man said and your eye twitched.

Kankri hated college students.

"I am fine" Kankri said and one of the man's friends placed a hand on his shoulder telling him to let it go, and Kankri was so happy that guy's friend said something.

By then Kankri was quick to leave, he would only sigh when he had to go and check on them, but the second they paid Kankri had never been so happy, but the happiness as soon as he a twenty-dollar tip. Great, more pity parties.

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By the time Kankri's shift had ended he was slow to go home, and he even entered the apartment at a slow pace, he never liked entering the apartment him and Richard shared, it always smelled like smoke, and Richard always made a mess that he had to clean up. Kankri gave a sigh and cleaned the apartment up, then he left to his and Richard's room, and he quickly stripped, and pulled on some black pants and as he reached for his res turtleneck, he couldn't help but feel the bruises that littered his body, then he looked at his wrists again, god he hated himself for doing what he did with the knife, but he hadn't felt anything, and he really needed it, but Richard hated him for it, and now he had more bruises, but god he really needed to feel again, a couple of cuts on each wrist isn't enough satisfaction to Kankri, he needed more. He quickly sat his sweater down, glad that Richard was out of the house, and he opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out their sharpest knife.

He had somehow managed to let a smile form on his lips just by looking at the blade, and he quickly undid the binds around his wrist and left to the bathroom and looked at the wounds that were still fresh on both wrists. He carefully angled the knife, and he cut, it was deeper than the other four, but it felt good to him to feel something, even if it was pain. The pain that Richard had brought upon him became nothing more than a numb pain, so the fresh stinging sensation in his wrist made him feel good. By the time he had finished he now had ten cuts on total on his wrists, he knew that he would have to add more bandage, and Richard may notice, but he regretted nothing, to him it was worth it.

After cleaning up any remaining blood, Kankri threw his sweater on, along with his jacket and scarf, and he made his way outside to take a walk in the cold wet weather. It had begun to rain sometime while he was inside, and the wind was blowing rapidly, but he didn't care, he walked anyway, and his destination was the bridge in the park. Once he successfully had gotten there though, he looked down at the rapidly moving water, to him it looked beautiful, and so much like an escape. But it also made him reflect on his life, and in that moment, he knew, he knew his life sucked, he knew how depressed he had become, he knew how much he had been crying, and he knew that Richard didn't love him, Richard was using him, and he let himself except that.

He wanted his father back, he wished that he had never fallen in love with Richard, he wished he could go and fix that, he missed his brother, his warm bed, and he missed feeling happiness, oh god how he missed being able to truly smile. He didn't want to work three jobs anymore, he didn't want to look at the new words that littered his torso, he didn't want to cry anymore, he didn't want to succumb to cutting just to feel, he hated his life, and he wanted to so desperately change it, but that was all too late now. Kankri stepped on top of the brick railing and he looked down at the water, contemplating with himself on whether he should jump or not, he wanted to so bad, just so he could end all the suffering, but he didn't want to die at the same time.

He didn't know how it happened, it just did, he didn't notice until his vision was blurred by water, and he couldn't breathe anymore. Kankri panicked and he tried to swim back up to the surface, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't go up. He felt as if he was being engulfed into darkness, everything was black, and he had begun to cry, but the water swept them away. The more he struggled, the more he got held back by the evil current, the wind rapidly moved the water, and he eventually managed to make it to the surface of the water, and gulped the air down, but he was soon shoved back down and thrown against a wall by the water's fast slick moves.

His vision began to go black and he reached his hand out desperately, he didn't want to die, he couldn't die like this, it was too painful. He knew he was a horrible sinning child, and he wanted to tell his father how sorry he was, and he wanted to ask God and his dad both for their forgiveness, and at that moment he wanted to be a priest like his father, and just do everything purely. He wanted to tell Richard to get lost and leave the apartment and live somewhere new, he wanted someone else to show him love, real love. He wanted to see his grumpy little brother again, he wanted to watch him grow up, and he wanted to get to know him. . He sweet little brother called him a few days ago, he didn't pick up, he needed to call him back, and to tell him that he was okay, and that he missed him and loved him. He wanted the pain he had endured for five years to go away, and never come back, he wanted to live so bad.

Kankri hit a rock hard, but managed to grab on to it to keep himself above the surface, he held on with dear life, he was not gonna die, he was going to fight no matter what, he gasped for breath, his vision was going black, and he couldn't hear a thing, but he could still see that it was raining hard. He looked around, trying to figure out how to get to the surface, but saw nothing close enough, and right above, he saw the bridge, and he saw someone standing there, he could hardly see them though, as his vision began to blur more. He panted and coughed more and extended his small hand toward the figure on the bridge, wanting it to come and help him. His whole body shook from the cold, and as he dropped his hand to get a better grip, he tried to kick his feet to help, and how he hated his short small body, it was always a burden to him to be so small and weak. He was always at the mercy of everyone he came across.

Kankri yelled at the figure more, and he saw the figure begin to run down the bridge toward him, and he gave a smile, he felt that he was going to win this horrible battle, and he would soon go back to the apartment, and he would pack up his things and just leave, he didn't know where he would go, but he would try home first, even if his father didn't want him there at the moment, he still wanted to apologize. He would even probably get to start college, he had wanted to in the past, but with this life he was unable to, but now it seemed that he had his second chance. Kankri was quick to thank God for his second chance, but that thought was soon forgotten,

Kankri felt himself slipping from the rock, screaming though, and he extended his hand out desperately as he slid off the rock completely. He screamed, hacked on water, and panted for help until his head hit another rock and his cries were silenced as he blacked out, and drowned in the water. In that moment, he hated life even more; he was getting his happy ending, until it was all taken away from him all over again.


End file.
